Sunday, April 5, 2009

Further Proof That I Should Be Living in the Lap of Luxury . . .

And why is it that I should be exempt from making any contribution of labor? It is not that I am superior. The opposite. Can I still use the "M" word? Is it off the roster yet?

So shoot me. I'll say it. I am a moron.

Here's the short version - I needed a desk. I bought one for cheap. It needed paint and Oops! There goes about a full quart of paint, slipping though my Lilliputian fingers like dollars from an AIG bailout.

The longer version - A couple of months ago, we bought this desk at Out of the Closet for the excellent price of $30.

I needed a desk for the library/dressing room and this was one of the few I'd found that wasn't too big for the space. Plus, it was $30. So I figured I'd paint it up, give it a special decorative touch and I could call that room "done."

I then bought some test paints at Sherwin Williams for the excellent price of $5 per quart. It's a good thing I got the testers because this accent color just didn't work.

OK, then no accent color.

Then came bronchitis. Painting a top coat of proper paint would have to wait.

Once I felt better K schlepped the desk onto the lawn and placed it on top of a discarded door where I could paint in sunshine. Meanwhile, he left to pick up his mom so we could take her out to a birthday brunch.

He wasn't gone ten minutes when I managed to let the paint can slip from my hand, dumping about 3/4 of a quart of paint, much of it pouring onto the lawn. It was a mini-environmental disaster.

Why did I think it would be a good idea to hold the can while I painted? My hands are tiny. Really, they are. I should have known I wouldn't get a good grip on a can of paint, even a quart-sized can.

So, faced with a puddle of paint on my lawn and a partially-painted desk drying in the sun, I tucked a piece of cardboard under the edge of the door to block some of the flow onto the lawn, dipped into the puddle and continued with the desk.

But while I was trying to figure out how to clean up the paint, this strange cat wanders by, almost through the puddle.

When I tried to shoo her, she paused and posed as if to jump on the wet desk! Shoo! Shoo!

Stupid cat.

These things never happen on HGTV.

So the Question of the Day is - Does home ownership, in addition to separating the Haves from the Have-Nots also separate the Ept from the Inept? The Gifted from the Goofballs?

Of course, I know several Super-Haves who are no more competent than I. But they're not out on their front lawns, tarting up their thrift store desks.

I really wanted to do a good job on this desk. But I'm just not cut out for this kind of thing.

The gods are clear - all of them - Isis, Quetzalcoatl, Thor, Athena. They know I should be viewing the world from the comfort of a sedan chair, not wrestling with paint cans and stray cats who threaten to wander through paint puddles and leap onto my freshly (if ineptly) painted desk.

If not, why would the gods have sent the cat to taunt me?


Rob said...

Great Blog. The photos are fantastic. Hope to see more articles on pet things. Really enjoyed this.



Jennifer said...

:) I can't hold paint cans, either. I try, though. Haven't had disaster YET... but the gods are laughing now, and I WILL drop paint everywhere next time!