Saturday, March 22, 2008

Top 5 Totally Uncool Things About My 'hood - #1 in a series

#5 - The obese, Rascal® riding, trannie hooker who services "clients" in front of our house.

Unfortunately, I don't have a photograph to accompany this post. Not that I could (or should) use it if I did. And the truth is, I've never witnessed this act for myself. But the neighbor across the street says he's seen it in progress and why would he make up something like that?

I don't want to be judgemental - not about her poufy wig that's too blond for her skin tones - not about her overly collagen injected lips that are too poufy for her face - and not about any other surgically enhanced body part that is too poufy to be found in Nature.

On second thought, maybe I am a little judgemental about the lips.

I am definitely concerned about her poor little Yorkshire terrier that I regularly see running alongside, barely keeping up with her as she motors up our hilly street on her pink (yes, pink) Rascal ®.

But I'm not judgemental about her vocation. We haven't all had the same advantages. And those lips have to be reinjected every few months.

Yet, must she practice her trade in front of my house? I don't know how many times this has actually happened, but once is really too often for me. The high retaining walls that flank the steps from the sidewalk as well as the HUGE ficus tree on the parkway offer a safe harbor of privacy for all kinds of unsavory activity. A pack of teenage girls using my front steps as a dark, private spot share a j? Sure! Why not? Except, being teenagers they didn't have the discretion to wait until the middle of the night as did our more mature transgendered friend. I discovered the girls as I came home from work at about 8:00 pm. But it was clear from their surly reaction to my appearance they didn't seem to care what time it was. And since it only happened that once, I'm not going to get worked up over some kids looking for a place to "experiment."

But while I'm not making moral judgments about our local mobility impaired prostitute, I don't want her workin' it in front of my house. NIMFY!

But what are you going to do? Maybe it was a one-time thing. Maybe she's not really a pro after all. Maybe it was a favor for a friend.

Maybe things could be worse.


Jenni said...

You know, that really sounds like a funny site to see... said...

You really need to get a picture of him/her. We have an old guy in our hood that walks around everyday in a wife beater, whit eboxer shorts, black socks & sneaks. I have been TRYING to get a picture for 3 years. Last week I ran into an entire mariachi band in front of our house. I raced inside to get my camera and they were almost magically gone when I got back. I was literally stomping my feet like a child I was so annoyed that I missed the picture...

Why S? said...

Yes, it is a funny sight, I guess depending on which activity you see. And I would love to get a picture but I'm not sure I could post it here having made potentially libelous comments.

How could you lose track of a mariachi band?

Fred@OPC said...

You definitely need to post the picture. This is very funny.

I've heard of those disappearing mariachi bands... the trick is to not let them leave your sight. This will teach you to leave your digital camera in the house :-)

pedalpower said...

Oh, yeah, you need that pic. You could block out her face...

Thanks for stopping by my blog. I feel your closet pain. We had one 2ft wide closet in our downstairs. When we redid the kitchen/family room I had them build a 7ft long coat closet in one end. The room was too long anyway....and you can't believe how much neater life is when you have a closet!

Anonymous said...

okay you didnt see it, but took a mans word for it that it happened/ this is a man we are talking about it. given how passionatly you speak about it, he probably said it just to get a rise out of you.
chill out

Why S? said...

Hi Anonymous. Thanks for visiting The Hill. Yes, I did take someone else's word for it and he may have misinterpreted what he saw but I don't believe he misrepresented what he saw - especially not to get a rise out of me. Believe me, I am totally chill.