Monday, December 8, 2008

Home Value Dropping? That Could Be the Least of Your Worries

Upside down on your mortgage? Can't get that home equity line of credit to finish the rumpus room? Adult kiddies forced to move back in with you? Apparently, the housing crisis isn't the homeowner's only nightmare. According to FOX News, we now have to worry about the possibility of vampires "living right here, among us."

If you haven't the time or inclination to watch the five minute video, allow me to summarize. This Hannity guy gives a little background on vampire lore followed by interviews with a couple of characters who claim to be vampires. They claim their kind come from all walks of life and live in every environment. Some of them even live in (gasp!) suburbs! And some of them dress just like you and me. Since I wear black almost exclusively, it's not big news that they dress like me. What really surprises me is that they dress like you.

Oh, and they don't always feed on blood. One of the interviewees just "feeds on energy." Must be like a vampire Atkins thing.

I discovered this story on Yahoo just before leaving work this evening. A colleague came in to say goodnight. I mentioned the story to him.

"Oh, I know a vampire," he says matter-of-factly.


"Yes. He had his teeth filed into fangs."

"Must be tough at job interviews."

"He's on a reality show now."

Then who am I to judge? He's on a show. I'm not. I spend a lot of time thinking about shows. I think about shows I want to be on. I think about shows I would want to watch. The problem must be my unnaturally natural teeth.

But I digress into self-absorption. Here's the real problem. How is this news? Let us not ponder too long how anything on FOX News is news. But let us just wonder for a moment that considering all the world faces, be it worldwide terrorism, waves of unemployment or the collapse of capitalism as we know it, FOX chooses to report on vampire poseurs.

And while we're at it, what kind of society are we when we have a vampire subculture? Can't we just leave it at armies of Trekkies holding conventions? Haven't we been sufficiently damaged by theatre geeks in bodices and puffy shirts spouting bad Shakespeare at Renaissance Pleasure Faires year after year after year? Aren't midnight showings of Rocky Horror Picture Show enough?

But maybe it speaks well of us. Maybe a country that has the luxury of middle-class subcultures of decadence can't be totally sunken in despair.

But just in case we're not talking about a group of adults fixated on an adolescent fantasy, keep the garlic close at hand and maybe a good, sharp stake at the ready.

You never know. Maybe FOX finally reported some news.


Christopher Busta-Peck said...

Feeds on energy? That would explain my lack of motivation and drive of late. It wouldn't have anything to do with all the wallpaper glue stripping looming ahead of me.

Jayne said...

Vampires ARE everywhere--at the movie theatre in "Twilight", which a friend said is the one of the dumbest movies she's ever seen, and on HBO in "True Blood", a campy series starring the annoyingly gap-toothed Anna Paquin. Yes, vampires--not the economy, not mortgages, not job losses--are the Next Big Thing. I fear for the future of America.

Why S? said...

Christopher, I believe I suffer from the same energy drain. Finally, a sensible explanation for why my closet still isn't culled and organized.

Jayne, you're absolutely correct that popular culture is currently overflowing with vampirism. But why now? Could it be the blood sucking CEOs and financial fiends who have sucked this country dry? Is it the imbalance of wealth that has created the struggling debt-strapped middle class on which the blood-suckers feed? Vampires overpower their victims with supernatural strength. Isn't that similar to the outrageously disproportionate salaries earned by CEOs when compared to the average worker?

See this analysis from the AFL-CIO website:

The time is indeed ripe for the rise of the Vampire.