Question - How is a floor NOT like a violin?

Answer - A violin is meant to be bowed; a floor is not. It seems that the living room floor has settled around the perimeter. Less so in the middle. Not exactly ideal for a game of marbles or snooker. Or laying hardwood flooring.

Leveling the house is out of the question. Friends had a horrible experience with their plaster walls cracking all over the place.

K was initially concerned the difference might be as much as an inch. In reality, it’s only about a ¼". I thought that maybe we could plump up the edges with padding. Guess not. An installer guy was here yesterday to have a look. He suggested sawing a bit off the joists. What joy.

I really wanted to buy the flooring this weekend.

Pottery Barn has reached inside my brain!

. . . and I don’t like it. I don’t like it one bit. I’m supposed to be the one stealing ideas from Pottery Barn, not the other way around. But today, I opened up the daily diet of catalogs and what do I see but this . . .

This so-called “Edison chandelier” was my idea for lighting my dining room. I didn’t want a fixed centered lighting fixture. I wanted something more flexible to accommodate the expansions and collapses of the table that will seat anywhere from 6 to 12. So, I thought, why not go with the rustic quality suggested by the cow creamers and just hang bare bulbs at various spots around the room, but radiating from a center point that may or may not center over the table? The bulbs can be moved closer or farther from the center, depending on the size of the table that day.

Now, everyone will think I copied from Pottery Barn. I want to go on record here and say I didn’t. I was here first. I admit, it’s not a truly original idea. One sees similar arrangements in restaurant patios all the time. But as a home fixture, it’s not yet overdone.

And I’m thinking, at $399 from PB, not likely to be overdone in the home anytime soon, either.

But I just wanted to go on record.

Die Yuppie Scum

While picking up dinner yesterday, I noticed a young hipster dude in the restaurant with a t-shirt that said in big letters "Die Yuppie Scum."

Did he mean me? First of all, I am no yuppie (young urban professional - the term is so old, it needs explaining again). I can't be a Yuppie since I am no longer young. Yes, I'm urban, but only peripherally professional.

The "Die Yuppie Scum" phrase has a history I needn't detail here. But this is cute. Anyway, because I'm so tragically self-centered, I thought he meant me, even though I am, technically, not young and only peripherally professional.

But how does he know me?

Does he know I'd just ordered a stainless steel range with convection oven, even though, in all likelihood, it will mostly be used to warm packaged food from Trader Joe's?

Does he know I was thinking of ordering this table from Crate and Barrel for the sole purpose of using it as a surface for the mixing of cocktails?

Does he know about my collections? The cows . . . ?

The Anglophiliac memorabilia?

The Victorian-era fern prints?

Does he know how I curse the too loud ranchera music, the overly-amped rap, the insistent ice cream truck tunes?

Does he know that I do NOT consider tagging an art form?

Does he know how much I wish for the demolition of the crappy Von's down the street that sells moldy bread and cheese, to make way for a Whole Foods or Trader Joe's?

Does he know the past reputation of this neighborhood and how if it had not changed so much in the past 10 years, if the gangs had just thrived, he probably wouldn't have the nerve to live here?

Probably not. He was probably just wearing a t-shirt.

Happy Anniversary to me and THoRH

Today is my one year anniversary as a blogger. I just happened to recall it in the middle of the afternoon. I really haven't much to say about it, other than in my very first post, I encouraged wagering on my completion deadline.


I hope none of my readers lost much.

Doing my part to boost durable goods orders

I don't know about consumer confidence but I'm personally confident that my 15 year old almond-colored refrigerator and the white stove that came with the house won't be sharing the kitchen with my new black cabinets.

Nothing better than a 3-day weekend for appliance shopping. And so, stimulus check clenched in my greedy little fist, shop I did. Stainless steel gas range, stainless steel range hood, black dishwasher and black refrigerator are on their way. I'm not sure I want to see the fridge hauled up the 17 steps. Might be amusing. Might be horrible. I hope the event doesn't become fodder for a clip show devoted to funny videos.

While I was shopping, K spent the weekend finishing the painting. All the interior painting is now complete.

The back wall behind the stairs is now tasty Hubbard Squash, to tie in with the wall space above the fireplace.

I like this little test patch in the kitchen. It looks like a little hut.

After the first coat, the test patch is still visible. The 2nd coat took care of it.

Cabinets will go over the while areas.

I took this just because I liked the image. I'll call it Deck Chairs with Shop Vac. Maybe I like it because it reminds me that one day, we'll rest.

Now that the violet (Mythical) is up on the two rooms of the kitchen, the color choice isn't as scary as it once was. I'd hate to have to tell K that he would have to re-paint because I'd made a horrible error in judgement. I know you can't tell this just from the pictures. You'll have to trust me. It'll be great with the black. And it's only two walls.

This picture looks like the kitchen of some crazy old hippie couple. Which we're not. I must wear shoes at all times.

I've done my part. What have you done lately for the economy? Remember, don't fear fear itself. Live with confidence. Go forth and spend.

Thomas Jefferson, American Homeowner

Don’t think you have much in common with Thomas Jefferson? You probably don’t. 1) He was a slaveholder 2) He was the main architect of one of the weightiest documents ever written and 3) He was President of the United States. You’ll never experience the first two and odds are against the third. You’re also unlikely to ever have your visage depicted on a coin, even one as humble as the nickel.

But, Thomas Jefferson was a homeowner and it took about 40 years to complete his dream home.

And, he died in serious debt. So, maybe many of us have more in common with him than we would like.

Happy 4th.

Hearst Castle, Pink Flamingos and Rounding Up Cows

Last week, we celebrated our 25 years of wedded bliss with a drive up the Central Coast, and a visit to someone else’s unfinished house, Hearst Castle. William Randolph Hearst built his estate on a 40,000 acre ranch. The main house has 38 bedrooms, 30 fireplaces. Then there are the guest houses. That’s ambitious. I was happy just to get our one guest bathroom done. I’m glad we don’t have any guest houses to worry about. Sort of glad.

The gardener at work

The pool was re-done something like six times. Now I don't feel so bad about making a bad decision about the bedroom doors.

The reasons for his failure to complete the project ranged from his incessant modifications to delays brought on by WWII. Finally, his plans fell victim to "failing health and advanced age." The chilly hand of Father Time spares no one. Did I mention I have a birthday coming up?

Thank you to Jenni and Jennifer for their kind birthday wishes. It’s actually in August. We might be done by then. ??? I guess I’m still young enough to be a little delusional.

When you go to Hearst Castle, you stay in the village of Cambria. Cambria doesn’t have a lot to do there. Unless you like antiquing. And we like antiquing. Good thing. Because there’s really nothing else to do there. Of course, we visited the elephant seals, but there’s only so long you can look at elephant seals. It looked like a sunny day at the beach, but in reality it was cold and windy. Really, really windy. Layers of fat works well for some beach bods.

The Sunbathers

So anyway, in all that antiquing, we came away with 3 more cow pitchers.

The new additions to my herd

I had planned to slow down on the cow collection. But we liked them all so much. I especially like the little one. She’s so cute. And the Hershey's one was made in 1983, the year we were married.

We visited the local cemetery in Cambria. We also like visiting cemeteries. This is my favorite pic from there - -

Why not spend your eternity under the legs of pink flamingos?

In our first idyllic hours in Cambria, I was actually looking at real estate ads. Then, once I realized that no restaurants served dinner after 8 or 9, I came to my senses. My biggest non-traffic complaint about Los Angeles is that so few restaurants serve dinner after 10 or 11. I suppose I could check the real estate pages in Transylvania.

From Cambria, we went on to Paso Robles. It was like our Sideways tour. We did some wine tasting. Not as much as I thought we would. Wine tasting is like watching elephant seals. There’s only so much of it you can do in a single day. You’d think there’d be only so much dining you could do too, yet we seemed to do plenty of that there.

In Paso Robles, we did more antique shopping. K bought some Tinker Toys but there were no cows of interest. And yet, thanks to a rodeo event in town, the air was redolent with cow.

It’s good to be home; where the air smells of diesel and there are least a couple of places I can still get a decent supper and a vodka martini at 1 am.