Sunday, May 18, 2008

Aagh! or The Champ Wouldn’t Want Us Living Like This

In the Time of The Great Communicator, I used to ride the bus to work. You may infer from this that child labor laws were weak back then. I won’t stop you.

I rode eastward from West Hollywood down Sunset Blvd. Then transferred to go north, waiting for my second bus under the protection of The King.

Even though it was a little over a score or so ago, I distinctly recall looking up into the hillsides of Silverlake and Echo Park and thinking to myself, "I bet those people who live up there have cockroaches in their houses."

How could my younger self have been so prescient?

I don’t know what prompted that thought. I suppose it was that the houses were so old – so vulnerable to invasion. But I think it was also the hilly-ness . The fact of hilly-ness made me think "roaches." I doubt I would have thought it had the landscape been flat.

So – cut to the Time of The Decider. The Best Man comes over on Friday night to show us his photos of his recent trip to Argentina. He and We are comfortably settled into the deck furniture that currently passes for living room furniture.

Best Man’s photo album rests between him and me; we are chatting, relaxed; ready to mentally transport ourselves to The Casa Rosada . . .

. . . and then, what should scramble across the suede-bound album but a gigantic Kafka-esque nightmare of an antennae-ed creature, joining our little party as if he too wanted to hear tales of warm spring nights whiled away listening to the sounds of Tango.

I think I screamed. And like a girly-girl, leapt from my adirondack, jumping over pocket door apparatus to escape. Best Man ran in the opposite direction.
K, unaware of what we’d seen, shouted, "WHAT!"

We answered, "There’s a giant cockroach!" and "OMG, it’s huge!"

And then . . . in a preemptive attack, . . . he ran right at ME.

We should all know by now that the preemptive attack doesn’t always have the intended consequences. It sometime serves to make your enemy more belligerent, more aggressive, less likely to play nicely. In this case, the ploy worked. It made me run. And once I fled, the Insect continued in the direction of the Best Man.

At that point, the kitten joined the melee. Kitten has no problem swatting and de-vivifying any moth or fly in her path. But in the case of the Insect, she was curious but kept a respectful distance. She seemed to only want to herd it, not touch it.

Terrified that she would tangle with the demonic beast, I shouted "No, Kitty, get away!"
K, who was doing his best to wrangle it, scolded her with a disappointed, "Cat, what’s wrong with you?"

And then, manly as he is, K swooped up the horrid creature in his bare hand. To which Best Man and I both cried "Eww – you touched it with your hand! How could you do that?"

Then K was out the door to toss the invader into the street.

Jenni at ThirteenEleven has her own trouble with insects. But hers seems to be a problem of quantity. This was definitely a problem of quality. I’m sure this could qualify as a NYC sized roach. Though, to be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a roach in NYC. Maybe I’m just not going to the right places.

What could have caused this horror? K pointed to the gap under the front door. "He probably came in through there." Best Man offered the gap as "an opportunity." I pointed to holes in the floor, drilled for access to wiring in the house's previous incarnation. It dawned on me that any insect could make its way from the basement into our house.

Better get that new flooring in soon! I've become one of those people!


Jenni said...

Good story ! Our house was infested with the evil roaches. You could tell from the housekeeping skills of the PO that he let them run wild. We bug bombed everything. Several Times. (Tear out a wall... set of bug bomb and so on.) I even brought the PO bug bombs to set off when he left.

Funny that you use to think the area had roaches while you were on the bus.

At least the grasshoppers stay outside.
Thank you for the link. :)

fred@opc said...

Ditto on Jenni's good story comment. That was funny.

So, I've NEVER actually seen a huge cockroach. Wish you had pictures to post of this monster. If I were in your house, I'd probably be more scared of the cat (allergies .... ugh).

Jackie said...

Oh my gosh that was so funny... I could picture it! Good story!